Episode 3: Fort Defiance
OMG! Bolivar the Goth. I forgot about him!
Still rockin’ that wig huh B?
Bag of dirt comes with surprise worms.
Goths travels in packs.
And back to sciencing!
Science score 1.
Eph is the only person who can turn a win into a whine festival.
Old man is after vamp goo.
Gus the newest Cobra Commando.
And he’s not terrible at it…
He gets all the best lines! I now demand more Gus!
The secret ingredient is.. Vampire worms!
Sir Exterminator has mad art skillz.
Has anyone seen my second child actor?
Ewwww Fet and Hacker and gross.
Just let the shitty child actor DIE. No one likes him anyway.
Do NYC buses actually stop for people?
Zack is THE WORST. The only thing your mother is missing is EATING YOUR FACE!
I’m reading. Don’t bother me!
Eye drops of immortality???
Don’t bother me! I’m reading!
Or dead. He is a million years old.
Eye drops of BLEEDING FROM THE EYES!
Bleeding eyes is not a sign of old age Satrakian!
Staten Island is now its own country.
Eichorst don’t need no appointment.
Can Bolivar NOT watch me?
Fitzwilliam! (I have a bad feeling about this, he’s in Dark Matter now…)
Hacker isn’t over her ex girlfriend. I sense a plot point…
Mayor Ineffectual and Councilwoman Holy Shit– she’s Vlad the Impaler!
Staten Island is fucking terrifying…
Mayor Ineffectual wants Vlad Jr’s help?!?! Get your own kill squad!
Satrakian bounced back from the eye bleeding quick.
I… don’t think Satrakian has friends….
The secret to his youth is… vampire worms! At least it explains how he’s a million years old… OK 94 years old.
Just shut up Palmer.
Oh, and I love how Bolivar still has time to paint his nails.
Your missing things Coco? Really? Quelle suprise.
Oh, you can handle it Palmer? You can HANDLE a fucking 7 ft tall rogue vampire who’s bringing on the apocalypse. Can he die already?
Wow, Zack is pretty fucking judgey for a 10 yr old.
Shut up Eph!
Goddammit Zack! I fucking hate that kid!
Sorry, this recap has deteriorated into all the plot points and characters I hate! But a few of these are just wearing out there welcome. I want more beheadings less talking.
Yeah! Shove Zack’s smug little face into the monster his mother’s become!
Hacker is on a quest for the Ex!
Oop, Mom is pretty damn judgey.
I did not get this epic romance vibe from Hacker and her GF… Mom is going off like it’s a goddamn Shakespearean drama.
Fet found his new love the Staten Island Impaler!
The solution to everything is making sex in a bread van!
FINALLY. I never thought I’d be so glad to get back to illegal human experimentation.
Shut up drunk Eph.
That’s right Eph, tell the Master your entire plan like a Bond villain.
Elevator inspector Gus!
Elevator repair with my FISTS!
Cobra Commandos for the win!
Code 1 is get the fuck out of the Penthouse.
ARG!!!! Come on show! You killed the best thing you had going! The Cobra Commados were out last best hope!! Plus I liked them!
Don’t have to tell Gus twice to run for it.
Satrakian eats hearty after worm treatment.
Oh Eph- I love it when you science!