All right! It’s recap time again! The Strain premiers in August and I never got to recap it because I didn’t have cable this time last year. But I have the entirety of season 2 on my DVR and recap I shall!
S2.1 BK NY
Flashback 1932- Eat your soup bitch.
I will tell you the tale of Backstory!
Enter Sardu- future Muppet vampire.
A wolf hunting we will go!
Holy crap they found Gollum.
Kill the beast or die trying my ass. Just go home.
I think we already established the not-wolfness of Gollum, granny.
An ancient hungry being in latex pajamas.
And turkey wattles. Don’t forget the turkey wattles.
I like your body, mind if I borrow it?
The kajillions of little worms the vampire vomits on Sardu look an awful lot like paperclips…
Sardu’s back bitches! He’s come to eat children and chew bubblegum and he’s all out of bubblegum.
“You must fight evil”- no pressure there Granny…
And back to the fearless vampire’s current epic fail from S1.
Well dang, the Master can run like hell.
Hey, you aren’t the right vampire!
And enter the Cobra Commandos!
Smells like Brooklyn…
Sir Exterminator does a little light welding.
There IS no such thing as vampire proofing…
I’m going back to doctoring…
OMG bitch much Hacker?
Dr Presumptuous I presume.
Sardu has seen better days…
And by my Succession I mean I need to trade in this body for a newer, sleeker model.
Cobra Commandos meet Satrakian. Satrakian, Cobra Commados.
Strakian meets the elder gods- I mean the ancient and dignified vampire elders… who are still naked.
The ancients like to keep tabs on their Muppet.
Satrakian and the Elders, BFFS.
The Occido Lumen- because Necronomicon was already taken.
How often do the elder vamps feed? That pool of blood looks awfully fresh….
Well at least they know how to share.
The bread truck endureth.
Pathology labs make good vampire nests.
Goddammit old man. You’re tiresome!! You giant snobby ass!
You tell him Nazi douche!
I’m the Master’s partner. I’m super awesome, nya, nya nah boo-boo.
I’m Coco Marchand- said NO ONE EVER.
Awkward flirting is awkward.
So far science has done fuck-all during the vampire apocalypse…
Science goes great with booze.
Hang on while I continue drinking…
Oop. Rescue mission aborted.
A note once in awhile wouldn’t kill you Satrakian.
I had to see some Cobra Commandos.
I don’t think wounding counts during the vampire apocalypse. This seems to be an all or nothing type of situation…
School for the blind. AKA I smell a buffet.
Also- how is school still happening?
You have a transit pass- to HELL.
Or New Jersey… same dif.
Hey, you aren’t the Zack from last season… Are you? Either way, hello my shitty son.
OMFG! Get over your stupid mom kid.
OMFG- Did that kid get WORSE over the break?
To infinity, and beyond!
That school bus is the biggest take-out box I’ve ever seen.
We’re still sciencing.
Blah blah press conference- my girlfriend is here!
I’ll give you a position working directly under- I mean for me.
Fuck you and your warm soda.
You get to be a person again.
Mini storage of the damned!
OMG old man! Your memory issues are now all our problem.
You have a family in storage?
Third storage units the charm.
Why am I so surprised that Eph is prepared enough to have a hand cart for heavy items.
Lights don’t go out by accident you idiots!
Fet and Satrakian is the weirdest bromance ever…
No wait, I can use them for experiments!
The children of the night- what sweet…clicks they make?