Day of the Triffids 2009 TV Miniseries RECAP WTF?!?! Hour 1

OK, I already can’t stand it! I have thoughts on this!

PLAY ALONG BY WATCHING The Day of the Triffids (2009) 

Open on the rain forest.

And the most unconvincing scream ever.

How did it happen? I’m counting on you to tell me that.

“We let them get too close” Like an old boyfriend.

“My mother was killed by a triffid” has to go down as one of the wackier back stories for a tortured hero. Basically boils down to “My mom was eaten by a plant.”

Narration to explain the entire plot… You know a movie is bad when they have to TELL you the entire thing right at the beginning.

How did anyone think that enslaving carnivorous plants was a good idea.

Now let’s poke it! With fire!

Lock them away? As opposed to letting giant carnivorous plants run free in London?

Keep the world in the dark? Your company is named TRIFFOIL! It doesn’t get much more upfront than that.

Or is it only GMO Triffids people are worried about?

OMG! I’m 70% that’s Spud from Trainspotting!

Security woman is instantly overcome! Despite that baton! WTF?

Everything hinges on safety goggles! EVERYTHING.

Triffids fight dirty.

And the Triffid oil plant doesn’t have an infirmary? OSHA nightmare!

OMFG! Real actors are in this!!

“I thought I lost you” It’s a cut!

OK FINE. VENOMOUS giant carnivorous plants. But seriously- they don’t keep anti-venom at the oil plant??

Global cooling? Almost enough to make me wish there WERE giant venomous carnivorous plants that could power the globe.

A solah storm?

No one in this movie has seen the movie has seen the movie Night of the Comet.

I’m a glass half full kind of guy.

It’s the same time of day all over the world.

How is anesthesia the cure for a cut eye? They aren’t even operating! Just knocking him out and leaving. Maybe they’re as tired of Dougrey Scott as I am. (Seriously, he’s like Britain’s C. Thomas Howell. Ok, that was mean. Though I’m not sure to WHO.)

Pffft! They just left Spud locked in an office!

That’s good- step outside, where the videos show a blinding flash of light! Maybe it’s not as bright as it- OMFG!

“12:03, the hour and the minute”- Yeah,that’s what 12:03 MEANS.

I’m the useless kind of doctor!

Darn! I’m still not pretty!

OK- NOPE sorry- there would not be just one lazy fucker asleep on the plane.

Eddie Izzard is unimpressed.

How are 3 flotation devices going to help you?

They don’t fill up the bathroom! It doesn’t work like that!

Get’s to keep his sight just in time to be killed by falling airplane debris.

LOL! Eddie Izzard walks out of the flaming wreckage. He only survived because he’s Eddie Izzard, not because his plan worked.

How is EVERYONE blind? Was no one sleeping? I mean WTF, Eddie Izzard was saved by laziness and the brim of a ball cap pulled over his face. There would be plenty of people who weren’t even NEAR a window!! What about interns making out in supply closets? Morgue attendants? Seriously!

Your our king now!

Now I have guilt!

Really Eddie? Not three minutes into the apocalypse and you start looting?

And only Joely Richardson was taking the subway when this happened? Does no one have basements? No one alone in a dark room, shades drawn, watching porno on the computer?

And all those darkened TV control rooms? Ones WITHOUT doors leading straight to the outside? Why aren’t they back on the air?

Eddie Izzard, back from shopping.

I thought British police didn’t carry firearms?

Spud’s not blind!! And he was near a window with only his hoodie for protection!

Viva la Triffids!

So seriously, the oil companies have kept all the pertinent Triffid facts to themselves. That they are giant venomous walking carnivorous plants…

So everyone is blind and they can STILL find White Hall? (Whitehall? I need to read up on Britain now…) And of course actual blind people are just FINE.

“There are no sighted left” ?!?!?! I STILL call BULLSHIT. It’s bullshit! There would be plenty of sighted! And also just fine blind people who are all “Suck it up bitches.”

So dude jumping out the window was in there for… wasting a few minutes of film time?

Herds of triffids roaming the streets! Looting, pillaging, raping!

It’s where the male triffids are confined… I just… I don’t even have words… insert a joke about a harem, or mancave, or bachelor party, or possibly prison sex joke here.

Spud! Gets his just desserts.

Oh Lucy, you were just as useless as everyone else.

For being carnivorous the triffids don’t eat much…

Triffid to English dictionary.

The triffids are saying “Fuck you! Death to humans!” What do you think they’re saying??

Dads been mauled by triffids.

Well, it’s ONE day of the triffids.

Worst emergency broadcast ever.

Triffids eat people. Done.

So, they JUST prey on people?

Ugh, back story.

OMG! If your dad created triffidoil you should be a billionaire!

It’s the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine.

Your looted suit will not save you Eddie Izzard!

WTF is he even doing? King of the world? What world?

Creeper Izzard! Ewww.

Triffids look disturbingly like agave.

Ugh… what is Creeper Izzard’s plan?

(I also stand by my earlier assessment that triffids aren’t carnivorous so much as just kill it first, maybe eat, but mostly  not. As there are plenty of dead bodies just lying around TOTALLY UNEATEN.)

SO you can just shoot triffids.

Creeper Izzard is full of shit.

You aren’t a citizen of Britain Jason Priestly!

Cure? It was a solah storm! Not a disease!

Self righteous Priestly is almost unbearable.

For the hundredth time WHAT ABOUT THE TRIFFIDS? I cannot stress enough that this entire miniseries is all about the triffids.

What in holy fuck do the Romans leaving Britain have to do with the current situation?? WWII would be more relevant and its NOT.

What about the side of the planet that was NOT facing the sun during the solah storm???

The blind will eaten by the triffids.

I’m going to my billionaire dad’s house.

Stay with the megalomaniacs you’ll be fine.

Unbearable Priestly ruins everything.

 

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