Constantine: Episode 4 Recap

Le sigh… here we go…

That’s the sweatiest guy I’ve ever seen in an airport.

I declare you are sweaty.

Is this airport jail?

The bottle is a djin! (I’m guessing)

Butterfingers McSecurityguard.

Aaaaaaaaannnnnd I’m wrong! It’s roaches.

Not Castiel!

What was that scene for? No really, I’m asking…

You’re a bitter? Biter? You have all the powers.

Aaandd they aren’t roaches! They’re beetles.

Zero G trap would make a good amusement park ride.

Good for you Gary- because I am totes in a position to be a judgmental bitch.

Irresistible passion for tying dudes to beds… and exorcising demons.

Demons have eating disorders?

We use Gary for rides? When was this in High School?

Zed’s ‘concerned face’ is her only face.

Binge eating  demon makes a sensible move to a grocery store.

Whoa- settle down Mike Tyson.

Shut up Zed.

We are who we are. Eventually. What the what?!?!

Astra AGAIN. It’s been all of two episodes since we heard that story.

More Zed concern face…

Good reasons not to touch  junkies.

Magic card- Go!

Conveniently placed witnesses who saw everything!

Meat delivery demon!

Oops. He dead.

OSHA humor.

Is she a yoga teacher or a meat plant worker?

Maybe next time etch your demon catching spell on a plastic jar.

Who new beef made a such good demon shield.

Gary and I, we touched and I experienced pleasure for the first time. No WAIT I meant heroine!

HOLT WTF!! I ACCIDENTALLY ERASED THE EPISODE! Hang on while I see if On Demand has it!!!

OMG it is but I have to watch the episode over…

Why order if you aren’t going to eat it?

The demon Memoth? Meemoth? Meemow?

Heenous? Must be a Slim Jim.

Ok, fun trip, but Nommo couldn’t just TELL him all this? I mean he said he couldn’t, and then proceeds to narrate the entire flashback/trip.

Consume the boy? That dude is in his 20s.

You ARE useless Gary. But wait- you’ll make a good demon vessel. The show is nothing if not predictable.

Gary can’t even buy drugs? What the shit Gary?

I betrayed Astra. You and apparently everyone else in the entire show.

Pause for self-pity break.

B&E interuptus. (Also, why are you sending Gary to steal anything?)

Not-Castiel- I’m still here!

They managed to succeed. For once…

Let’s all go to the movies.

A live, human, body. AKA Gary- AKA called it- AKA- it’s a really predictable show.

Now KISS HIM! Not on the forehead! OMG! Why do I bother?

Now let’s see if that knife is a museum replica…

Gary LOVED you? That seems like a strong word. Possibly, sort of liked would be more accurate.

Put him in the Five Minute Hallway!

Constantine and Not-Castiel are nice enough to see Gary into death. I guess that’s a happy ending? Honesly I think it’s just one more thing Constantine can whine about later in a bar somewhere. “I had to hold my BFF’s hand while a demon ate him from the inside out- now buy me a drink.”

OK I know I should be crying, or something, but it was too predictable and I wasn’t invested in Gary in the least He was just kind of a sweaty loser. And Constantine is no prize pig either.

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