Constantine: Episode 2 Recap

Open on an 1890s Coal mining town.

Why eat when you can drink your dinner?

That is the exact opposite of how a shower is a supposed to work.


Train derailment? How would they even pin that on you?

The DC artist from last episode meets the subject of her paychecks.

Tongue in his pocket? WHAT?

Lets get a drink  at the bar “Plot Point”.

That’s his mining trench coat.

Mines have very poor security. And conveniently placed maps.

Knock-knock. Who’s there? Cave-in, that’s who.

I really wish I had something funny to say about the TV dinner he brings to the wake.

Security at the wake is also poor.

OMG, the tiles in the shower look AMAZING! Apparently burning miner is an awesome tile glaze.

Drunk widow want to put her tongue in your pocket!

Can’t he just magic up a Press Pass? Why bother when you can get into fisticuffs. (Dean and Sam would have a press badge.)

I keep looking for a place to make a Tommyknockers joke, but it’s not working out so far.

Registered under the name Puddyduddy? Pollyghatti? WTF is anyone SAYING IN THIS SHOW?

Ugh. I really don’t like Zed.

Clairsentient- I looked it up but I heard right this time! Some one enunciated!

They WERE putting their clothes on…

Ice bucket vision quest challenge?

OK? Does Zed live in this town? Did she fly there? Train?

She lives there! Constantine found her stash of Vertigo covers!

No, it’s NOT just circus people and people on the run who travel a lot?! WTF dialogue? Your logic is flawed.

OMG! Shut up Constantine! It’s supposed to be a spooky speech but SHUT UP. It’s just dumb. It’s silly, overblown dialogue trying to sound profound!

Saved by a mine collapse!

“Digging unauthorized tunnels into regions of the earth were mortal man has no rightful place? ” WTF? Like you can actually dig to Hell?

Saved by car filling with water (or oil, or something…) If only it could shut Constantine up for longer.

Finally an explanation. Cobbleri? Cobblernigh? Cobblerpie? Everything he says sounds like it’s coming from underwater!

How come no one bats an eye at Constantine going on about raising demons and evil forces? No one even looks at him funny or asks what he’s talking about. Just sayin’.

Oops. Mine Monster.

“It is real” wow. thanks for the update.

I have a spell for Mine Monsters.

Constantine also knows how to collapse a mine… is it actually that easy?

Widow Hotpants is pure evil and commands an army of Cobblerpie!

There’s nothing blacker than gypsy magic?? Is that racist? It sounds racist. And wildly inaccurate.

You stupid WHAT?? Bat! (Had to turn on the captions for that one. I thought he said twat but I’m like no WAY that would fly on network TV)

And Widow Hotpants is dragged to her doom. What was her motivation again? It’s not worth it to rewind.

Ok- no one’s charcoal drawings are that tidy without a shit ton of spray fixative applied every five minutes and even then…

Argh! More weird bad dialogue from perpetually pouty Zed. I can’t STAND her.

Oops- typed through Constantine’s speechifying at the end there… I’m sensing that every episode will end with grandiose monologueing.

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