The Strain: Episode 13 Recap

At long, loooong last! The final episode! I am so sorry it took forever! I went to a con and back, and got the contract for my next book with Black Opal sent out, and have been writing, writing, writing 🙂

I am also just plain super sorry the Strain is over! *sob* Thirteen episodes was just NOT enough! I really hope the promises FX made about season 2 are true and it comes back next summer. But it’s so far away!  Anyway- without further ado- The Strain season finale!

Dying old man is now dapper old man.

I want the old man’s stuff. Except the cage. I have one of my own.

Everyone will covet my heart-in-a-jar.

Dapper Nazi comes to disillusion dapper old man.

“The Master gave you the white but not the worm.” That line either needs to be on a t-shirt or scrubbed from the English language.

Dapper Old Man is getting testy. I want my immortality NOOOOW. Settle down Veruca…

Ugh! Another flashback to the b-day bike? Really?

Old man agreed with Eph- about things that are agreeable about! Just stop your pissing and go hunt some vampires!

Oh Eph, I think your Shitty Child Actor has already noticed the vampire apocalypse.

Whee! Augustine! (No he’s never living that name down- he can call himself Gus all day long, it does not matter)

The Cobra Commandos have plans for you Augustine! Good plans. Fun plans.

The Cobra Commando just handed Augustine his ass.

Saga of the heart-in-a-jar like it’s the damn Holy Grail.

Piss off old white man! Fiztwilliam out! *drops mic and leaves old man waving his bare ass in the wind*

“That goth douchebag.” That really DOES need to be on a t-shirt.

Sir Exterminator is an expert on the history of New York which has actually been useful to the plot. But shut-up now.

Also- want to point out Bolivar the goth is named after a South American general. (I only know this because I read a Gabriel Garcia-Marquez book. But kudos for reading!)

More history of New York plot points, apparently there are secret passages ALL OVER THE CITY. That still work. And aren’t full of homeless people.

OMG! Eph does something useful! He pulled a cord…

Recon fun with friends. And Vampires. And sewer tunnels.

So at least one person is smart enough to follow the smell vampire’s ammonia rich excrement pointed out  in EPISODE 1.

The wreck of the coffin.

Recon fun times end in fleeing.

Sir Exterminator is also a Roman General.

Hacker needs her TV fix but bad.

Eph- you’re going to kill that plant!

Dr. Back-up Girlfriend has advice.

“The situation was misrepresented.” Best understatement of the show.

Never agree to a private talk on a balcony.

Dr. Barnes- you on board or you wanna go over the railing? You’re on board? Good dog.

Put the video game down Shitty Child Actor. Time to tell you the facts of life. Short swords, vampires, and zero time to train in weapons.

You hold it with two hands? Really Eph? And how long have you been vampire hunting?

Let the Old Man Vampire hunter- who actually knows his shit- train your shitty kid!

The Gang’s all here. Time to storm the goth club.

Pre-planning brought to you by Sir Exterminator. Old mans rains on his parade.

Also- Sir Exterminator really is having a little too much fun with the vampire apocalypse.

Rumble on the dance floor.

How are Old Man and Eph the go-to vampire killers?

And still not your wife Eph.

“Clear, this level.” Pfffft Seriously?!?! So you’re saying you just cleared the level. Of vampires. Like a video game. With levels full of vampires.

Nazi gives Sir Exterminator a run for his money.

Goth dude is STILL rocking the wig. Did he just forget about it?

Level three- Boss fight! (pffft no- really, it’s the third floor).

Eph contributes a solid idea.

And the Master Muppet jumps out the window!

OMG! All we had to do was hit the rewind button? This whole time??

Don’t just stand there monologueing in Armenian- Chop the Muppet’s head off!

He ran down the building and disappeared…

In direct sunlight?

Yes in direct sunlight, it’s daytime you idiot.

We’re lost…

And it’s not over! Augustine tells the Cobra Commandos his woes.

What part of underground didn’t you get Augustine?

Wow. Just wow. The vampire Elders all have high chairs.

You are standing before beings of great honor, dignity, power. But not enough dignity to put on pants.

Well all right, you got yourself a mercenary Cobra Commandos.

Shitty Child Actor tricks them all into stopping home for inhalers. Why not just rob another pharmacy?

I’m looting the photo albums!

“How will mom find us?” You have got to kill this Eph! Now.

Oops. Too late. Mommy is home and she can’t wait to eat your face.

Now would be a good time for that little talk Eph.

And vampire hunting fail again.

Shut up kid- it’s not like this was unexpected.

OK I lasted 13 episodes without a drink. Time to jump off the wagon.

Shut up old man! Narration overload!

(And it’s over! So sad! It returns in 2015! Which sounds like forever right now! Good news though! I have picked my next show to recap! Constantine! I loved the movie so this will be a challenge. I’m also not familiar with the character, so expect Gotham levels of ignorance about the original character. My DVR is primed and ready though! So until then I bid you adieu.)

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