The Strain: Episode 7 Recap

Seriously? My nanny wants me to care for my wife and children? Uuuugh… don’t make me work.

Dude, I saved your white ass little kids’ lives. Suck it up and go home to your bitch-ass wife.

“And winner of  the ‘Best Interaction with a Cabby’ award goes to… The Strain! Yay! ” OR “OMG! I almost peed laughing!”

Dude, even the Old Man knows what a control freak of a jackass you are! AKA- Shut up Ef. You are an idiot.

(Also- there is a noticeable lack  of  dementia addled old woman where the hell did they stash her??)

Flashback ’44 part… whatever. Nazi douche is still douchey. But, he comes bearing random death and a job offer.

We now pause for naked hot dude break. Enjoy it while it lasts.

Samwise! NO!

Boy, Mrs. Samwise is pretty judgmental for a dying chick. But thank you for calling Ef a self-righteous prick. Someone had to say it.

Flashback 44 part- the next. Woodworkers of the Third Reich. OR Nazi’s are really creepy when they are trying to be… friendly? When they want you build a giant coffin for their undead master.

Who cares if the shitty white kids die?? Just take them home! Also- kidnapping is a Federal offense… just saying.

Ugh! Dying old man will apparently never just shut-up and die!

Dude! Your bro has worms and is going to eat your face!!!

Hoobris? Is that how you pronounce hubris??

Flashback ’44- Drunk Nazi’s are even scarier than regular Nazi’s. Also- they will win at Chicken.

Yo mama ate yo daddy’s face!

Holy crap! Momma is a rabid animal!

Also, vampires shouldn’t live in glass houses.

That’s right- an entirely glass wine cellar will hide us!

Also- you live there!? How can you not find a way out??

Samwise grew a pair. “Consider your wife dead. Consider your children dead, consider your dog dead. Are you scared yet?”

Ugh! Worst vampire hunters. Ever.

Now for a segment we like to call subway tag…

HOLY WHAT THE FUCK?!?!? COBRA COMMANDOS?!?!?!?  (At this point I want to say that The Strain is the greatest fucking TV show ever made ever in the history in TV)

Cobra Commandos- are super nice- until they put a spike in your skull. But gosh, they are so polite about it!


OK! I would like t point out again that the lady CDC doctor left her dementia addled mother ALONE in a pawn shop! She is going to burn it down trying to make toast and they are going to come home to a smoking hole in the ground. And a dead mother.

Lastly I would like to say that I almost died of indescribable joy when the Cobra Commandos showed up! And shooting the nanny’s daughter, oh-so-politely in the head DID NOT TARNISH MY JOY IN THE LEAST.

P.S. Sorry for all the caps this episode!







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