The Strain S2 ep 7

The Strain Season 2 episode 7 “The Born”

Open on Gladiator!

Soooo is this guy The Daywalker or what? I mean he’s kind of… not exactly human looking…

Sooo Daywalker…

LOL! Senator Dark Arts.

As usual the Romans all have British accents.

Pffft!! OMG he IS The Daywalker!

OK, just have to sidetrack here, if there is ONE hybrid (be it Blade or this guy) part human part demon/vampire, than there is bound to be more than one! If you can make one once, you can make one again! And you can make them on purpose. Stop pretending like in the entire history of the world this only ever happened once.

Ewww Sir Exterminator and his girlfriend.

Yeah! Where WAS she last night while Nora almost got eaten by Spider Kids?

Really? The world is ending and commitment is your biggest issue?

And didn’t we already go to Hacker’s apartment last season?

Didn’t they leave a vampire in there?

My girlfriends back and your going to be in trouble…

Ugh, Coco…

Coco, go make tea while I conspire.

Oop- bioweapon contained…Sph failed again, quelle suprise…

The good news is you can catch Eph with a box on a stick baited with bourbon.

Where’d he get a giant band-aid bar?

Yeah… Eph is a ‘leave the bottle’ kind of guy…

Fet awkwardly tries to be nice to his girlfriend’s girlfriend.

Oh Fet. you’ll always have that pool you guys banged in…

Nikki my roommate?!?

The what about us conversation is NOT what happened! LOL! It’s the missing money conversation.

“I gotta go back to her” both literally and figuratively.

Satrakian gets cranky when no one does his bidding.

OMG! Satrakian doesn’t care about your bedroom issues!

Mystery factory isn’t very secure…

Gladiator!

What the shit?! How is Eph back already!?!?

No seriously how is drunk Eph back from DC?!?!

Satrakian found the origin of the Spider Kids.

Oop and there’s one left.

Oops, there are a bunch of them left.

Oh snap- thus endeth the Spider Kids.

Crap- back to Palmer and his flirtations.

Oh shut up Palmer- the vampire apocalypse is NOT a chance renewal.

The Ancients are Satrakian’s hype men.

Gladiator Quinlan?!

Has been hunting the Master for… I’m just going to say ever. And apparently he’s SHIT at it or he would have killed the Master by now.

Your vigilance belies a deeper concern… my speeches.

Quinlan BETTER be their new BFF.. oh please, oh please, oh please…

Fet- blow shit up! I command you!

Eph awakens from the sleep of the drunk who has no idea how he got home.

Stop asking him what happened Nora, the answer is always stupid.

Oh Fet, you do love a bomb threat.

LOL! The Master kept Bolivar’s goth coat.

Eichorst is the Master’s old new lap-dog.

Oh for pete’s sake! The Master is after the plot from Blade one that ended up on the cutting room floor, he’s setting up a factory to process people so he can have all the blood he wants, – can we just kill something already.

Or we could just blow up the building and let everyone get away…

Good timing Fet.

How is Zack happy to see Eph? He’s never happy to see him.

Yeah, I don’t think Zack is getting the whole “your mom is going to eat your face” thing…

Fet and Satrakian return untriumphant and ashamed.

OMG Fet- low blow. Also keep your fat mouth shut Eph.

Nikki destabilized the ENTIRE group!

Ugh, Palmer and Coco… I’m waiting for this to get gross…

“I’m learning so much from you” Like old men are easy…

Palmer never had the good health to get it on? Like with anyone? Or just long-term?

Yes- shut up Eldritch (which is STILL NO ONE’S NAME EVER).

And things just got gross…

Satrakian reads up on the Daywalker- I mean Gladiator, I mean Quinlan.

Eph and Fet drown their troubles in booze and vengeance.

 

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The Strain S2 ep 6

The Strain Season 2 episode 6 “Identity”

“Get stung” is the new black

Squee! Another Cobra Commando!

2,000 pounds of shrimp?! Sign me up!

WTF- random vomit!

Holy shit! Is Eph’s DC drinking buddy Lucifer?!?!

We need to fast track my bioweapon!

Fitzwilliam!

Good- take your stupid face and go eat in your room Zack.

Nora, you’re not his mom, let Zack figure out his dad is an asshole on his own.

Gus and Angel- BFFs!

Climb down off that horse Angel, someone needs the meat.

Eph not drinking? It really IS the end of the world.

Everett Barnes “fell off a train” that I was on…but it was just coincidence…

Promise me to kill three million vampires!

And another good friend lost her mother! Forgot about Nora pretty quick didn’t we.

Lucifer cottons on to Eph’s murderous ways.

Fitzwilliam!

That scene was incredibly unnecessary.

So Gus just lives at the Indian restaurant now…

Delivering food in an apocalypse is non-negotiable.

Can you measure your dicks later? We have food to deliver.

OMG Angel, shut up.

Also, that is REALLY expensive Indian Food.

Not quite a beheading, but I’ll take it.

Lucifer is a liar in every show he’s in.

Bioweapons AWAY!

Eph is left with no choice but to get laid.

I didn’t think it was possible for Eph to drink too much…

I won’t give away my bioweapon to big pharma.

And back to the Cobra Commando! As he cusses out the Ancients.

Sooo, the Ancients could have taken out the Master and they just sat on this until he brings on the Apocalypse? Way to go… Now put some pants on!

Justine the Impaler! Needs coffee…

Eichorst (how is that even spelled? I should know this by now)- Anyway, never let Nazi’s build ANYTHING…

How does Palmer think he is anything other than a cockroach? Shouldn’t his impressive sense of self-preservation tell him not to yank the chain of a centuries old monster? Is this in the book? Is there a good reason for any of this?

Anyway- back to Eph and his WMDs…

Palmer is not the one to ask to manufacture t=your bioweapon…

Yay! Our plans for bioterror have succeeded!

Meanwhile back in Red Hook… Spider kids! Spider kids!

Church ain’t locked for long!

Satrakian and company roll out.

Well, church isn’t very defendable is it…

Reinforcements arrive just in time as dictated by the plot.

Fitzwilliam! No!

He actually wasn’t that much help..

Satrakian don’t care about your final words.

Eph needs to celebrate with drink and sex and drink.

Pffft- the long story is Eph is a murderer.

Finding dead bodies is what you get for getting busy in someone else’s house.

Oop! so much for Eph’s side piece.

Guess its back to Nora now.

Get over yourself Eichorst. No one wants your body.

Ha! Told you! Bolivar for the win!

Jealous much Eichorst? Gonna cry now? Cry baby! Cry!

Always a bridesmaid, never the bride.

Oh shit, he seriously is crying…

We’ll be together forever?!? OMG just kiss him!

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The Strain S2 ep 5

S2 ep 5 “Quick and Painless”

Open on- Red Hook mandatory evacuation. This will go awesomely well…

And we found drugs, and vampires, and drugs.

That kid is going to eat your face…

Or your knee…

Anytime anyone tells you you’re going to be fine you aren’t.

Pint size vampires pack a wallop.

Tiny killer vamps still love too.

Nice to see the vampire apocalypse hasn’t put a damper on leather bars. Seriously- is there nothing else you could be doing with your time?

Eph needs a new name that’s not Ephram.

Satrakian is out on another field trip- can’t leave him alone for a minute.

This is NOT a sword cane, just sayin’.

I’m looking to buy the Necronim- Lumen Occido- oh never mind.

Sword cane scores again.

OMG Eph, do you ever get tired of explaining your plans to everyone all the time.

Ugh- Zack. No seriously ugh! Child actor the second is worst than child actor the first. This one if 5x more petulant.

Yes, leave Zack behind, maybe we’ll be blessed with a Zack-free episode.

Oop- forgot Fet went to jail under the Staten Island Impaler’s regime.

Don’t barber drunk…

Really? Isn’t shaving your head just going to make your big dumb face even more obvious Eph?

LOL! No one will look in this urn of fake ashes for my bio weapon.

No, you can’t get a hug.

The Sovereign Nation of Staten Island jail.

Quarantine- we can fix that!

Nora to the rescue!

In exchange for my knowledge I demand the return of Sir Exterminator.

Staten Island jail consists of a card game?

You so DO get off on damaging your inner ear.

Yes with a dynamite fetish…

We bring you weapons and knowledge and a plot turn!

Spider kids, spider kinds, do whatever a spider can.

Smooth shoving to the front Eph.

You look mildly suspicious but I’m going to let you through.

Of course he goes straight for the booze- into a trap! Baited with beer. Sure 3 is enough?

How likely was it that a man named Mr. Creem would have the Occido in the first place?

Goddammit Eph- John Crowley? Why not go right for Alistaire?

Why didn’t Eph just lock himself into the bathroom?!? Trains HAVE bathrooms…

Nora does science! Or just wanders around with a UV light…

Meanwhile in Red Hook, Sir Exterminator is now DEPUTY Sir Exterminator.

They’re in the walls!!

Go ahead Fet, stick your head in the vent.

Well, we need to save this block, we just didn’t say it had to look good…

What happened to “Don’t waste the silver grenades I was never able to make very many.”

No councilwoman Impaler, you don’t want to wait until he turns.Mostly because it’s really gross.

Satrakian STILL isn’t home from his field trip.

Fitzwilliam!

Just hide in the fucking bathroom Eph!

Finally!!

D’oh!

Just couldn’t NOT brag could you Eph…

And D’oh! again!

Lying ex-boss is lying.

But not for long…

Let’s Double Indemnity this bitch!

Throw Mama from the Train. Ha! Two old movie references!

Gahh! Palmer! …. and Coco….goddammit…

Oh fuck you NY 1% assholes! Giving him an ovation.

Oh shit! Cardinal 1% has the Necronomicon!

What’s that Coco? You don’t know what’s going on? Quelle suprise…

OMG- is Palmer’s inappropriate sense of humor not clue enough he’s evil??

And maybe you should SHUT THE FUCK UP Coco.

DANCE? I thought they were talking about sex…

Glad you can fiddle while NYC burns-literally.

Eph made it to DC with only killing one person!

Oop- the DVR cut off the episode! Crap! I guess that’s it folks!

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The secret nerd origins of Tea Times Three!

Find out how my novel Tea Times Three came to be titled Tea Times Three, and many other weird and wonderful things in my interview on No Wasted Ink

I’m also always up for interviews, podcasts, and general literary mayhem! Get in touch if you have a guest spot that needs filling or your just plain damn sick of updating your own blog!

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Posted in annouoncements, interviews, Writing

The Strain S2 ep4

S2 episode 4: The Silver Angel

Open on: Mexican wrestling! I don’t even have anything funny to add to this… except maybe someone needs to revive the vampire hunting Mexican wrestler subgenre of film for real… Think about it!

Also I’d like to find out once and for all exactly how many castles Mexico has. (I am serious by the way)

The Silver Angel fake-fights Torgo.

Digging the cross shaped brass knuckles!

I used to be a STAR! It’s the pictures that got small!

Bread truck!!!

Vampire plague deliver service.

You know the Master sees through their eyes right? So he knows about your vampire wrapped gift of plague…

FINALLY a beheading!!!

And there’s nothing creepy about a vampire infested mental hospital at all…

Gus!!! Your Cobra Commandos are dead…I’m so sorry!

Still, a man’s gotta eat…

WTF GUS!!! You’ve never had Indian food!?!? And you live in NYC!

Fitzwilliam time!!!

Satrakian and Velders go on a field trip!

Now entering the sovereign nation of Staten Island. All vampires will be impaled by order of her majesty the Staten Island Impaler.

Oooh! Fitzwilliam the elder!

Youngish Satrakian is on the case of the Necro- Occido Lumen…

How did vampires just HAPPEN upon a nunnery at the same time as Detective Vampire Hunter and Douchebag Watson?

They find a convenient plot point in the cupboard I mean a survivor…

Gaaahh! Nazi!!

Silhouetted beheadings don’t count!

How is 40% of this series just chasing down shitty children?

Flaming monk.

The exact moment Palmer turns EVIL.

Pffft! Palmer isn’t in it to make to friends!

Gus goes home- but you know what they say, if you go home again it will be crawling with vampires.

And since when has reason worked on vampires Gus? Just kill your mom already!

The Master has your number Augustin!!

Just kill your mom!

Out of smart ass remarks Augustin?

Fet need food- this doesn’t even deserve a comment.

Go play with your shitty child actor, he needs your attention…

Is there anything fun left to do NYC?

Feraldo the Impaler is coming to take Redhook.

Father son bonding is a fail.

So waiting for a human head to come out of that pitching machine.

OMG! SHUT UP EPH- let him pitch!!

OMG, your happy memories are boring! Yes leave now!

Ugh Palmer, stop speechifying! Not everything needs a speech!

Here comes vampire chow!

The brothers Fitzwilliam!

Oop- Satrakian and Velders here to reign on the Fitzwilliam parade.

NO- don’t help the save city! You’re a tertiary character and will die! (And also he’s on Dark Matter now…)

Climb down off that high horse Satrakian…

Yes! Once you have tasted curry there is no going back! Also they are the only open restaurant…

Wow… you met Augustin once! Put those eyes back in your head.

Cockblocked by Mom!!

Gus wants his mommy back…

The washed up actor has opinions!

What the hell? Angel ain’t her dad.

I recognized you by your physique, which has gone to shit…

I was never a B-movie actor! You take that back!

(Please tell me he still has those brass knuckles)

Check up on the vampire plague.

Fet out!

Mostly he just wants to blow shit up.

Finger’s crossed our plague worked, and…

Yes! Science for the win!

Oop- nope- told you the Master has a handle on this.

Eph is either insane or happy…

Is is possible for Fet to get creepier… Yes. Yes it is…

Vigilante police-ish brutality… There are no more rules…

Oh Eph… Eph, Eph, Eph…

Mommy vamp’s hound dogs are on the case.

She can smell Zack’s bad acting anywhere!

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The Strain S2 ep3 Recap

Episode 3: Fort Defiance

OMG! Bolivar the Goth. I forgot about him!

Still rockin’ that wig huh B?

Bag of dirt comes with surprise worms.

Goths travels in packs.

And back to sciencing!

Science score 1.

Eph is the only person who can turn a win into a whine festival.

Old man is after vamp goo.

Gus the newest Cobra Commando.

And he’s not terrible at it…

Hand-to-hand!?!

Damn Gus!!!

He gets all the best lines! I now demand more Gus!

The secret ingredient is.. Vampire worms!

Sir Exterminator has mad art skillz.

Has anyone seen my second child actor?

Ewwww Fet and Hacker and gross.

Just let the shitty child actor DIE. No one likes him anyway.

Do NYC buses actually stop for people?

Zack is THE WORST. The only thing your mother is missing is EATING YOUR FACE!

I’m reading. Don’t bother me!

Eye drops of immortality???

Don’t bother me! I’m reading!

Or dead. He is a million years old.

Eye drops of BLEEDING FROM THE EYES!

Bleeding eyes is not a sign of old age Satrakian!

Staten Island is now its own country.

Uhhh Coco.

Eichorst don’t need no appointment.

Can Bolivar NOT watch me?

Fitzwilliam! (I have a bad feeling about this, he’s in Dark Matter now…)

Hacker isn’t over her ex girlfriend. I sense a plot point…

Mayor Ineffectual and Councilwoman Holy Shit– she’s Vlad the Impaler!

Staten Island is fucking terrifying…

Mayor Ineffectual wants Vlad Jr’s help?!?! Get your own kill squad!

Satrakian bounced back from the eye bleeding quick.

I… don’t think Satrakian has friends….

The secret to his youth is… vampire worms! At least it explains how he’s a million years old… OK 94 years old.

Just shut up Palmer.

Oh, and I love how Bolivar still has time to paint his nails.

Your missing things Coco? Really? Quelle suprise.

Oh, you can handle it Palmer? You can HANDLE a fucking 7 ft tall rogue vampire who’s bringing on the apocalypse. Can he die already?

Wow, Zack is pretty fucking judgey for a 10 yr old.

Shut up Eph!

Goddammit Zack! I fucking hate that kid!

Sorry, this recap has deteriorated into all the plot points and characters I hate! But a few of these are just wearing out there welcome. I want more beheadings less talking.

Yeah! Shove Zack’s smug little face into the monster his mother’s become!

Hacker is on a quest for the Ex!

Oop, Mom is pretty damn judgey.

I did not get this epic romance vibe from Hacker and her GF… Mom is going off like it’s a goddamn  Shakespearean drama.

Fet found his new love the Staten Island Impaler!

The solution to everything is making sex in a bread van!

FINALLY. I never thought I’d be so glad to get back to illegal human experimentation.

Shut up drunk Eph.

That’s right Eph, tell the Master your entire plan like a Bond villain.

Elevator inspector Gus!

Elevator repair with my FISTS!

Cobra Commandos for the win!

Code 1 is get the fuck out of the Penthouse.

ARG!!!! Come on show! You killed the best thing you had going!  The Cobra Commados were out last best hope!! Plus I liked them!

Don’t have to tell Gus twice to run for it.

Satrakian eats hearty after worm treatment.

Oh Eph- I love it when you science!

 

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Tea Times Three Book Opening

There is a tradition in the Ball Jointed Doll community of posting a “box opening” photo shoot whenever a new doll arrives. Well, I like to do the exact same thing when a new BOOK arrives!

I ordered some copies of Tea Times Three to sell at conventions (and to friends and family) and they arrived. So here is my book opening! I’ve actually been doing a book opening for every book of mine since Dark Moon diary volume 1 arrived on my doorstep🙂

Jack, Black Opal Books designer does an incredible job with the interior design of every book and Tx3 is no exception! Do yourself a favor and spring for the physical copy!

You can order by emailing Black Opal at sales@blackopalbooks.com Just tell them you want to order Tea Times Three!

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